3 month Social-Media-Free Update

Hello, my friends!

Well, I’m almost 3 months into my year without social media. I logged off on December 20th, 2020, popped in after Christmas to briefly post a final goodbye to my feed, and haven’t been back to the scroll since. Praise!

To recap, I’ve signed out of Instagram and Facebook for 2021. I didn’t delete my accounts but did delete the apps off of my phone. I occasionally use FB Marketplace, and if I need to view someone’s IG account (I discovered I actually need to deep-dive into people’s accounts for work purposes), I use an old account of mine to log in and see what I need to see, then I hightail it outta there!

I still use Pinterest, happily read blogs and watch YouTuber vlogs, and use 1-to-1 communication apps like Marco Polo and Slack.

So how’s it going a quarter of the way through? I’ll let you in on some of my observations and feelings!

Here are some positives I’ve noticed:

A greater sense of freedom in my everyday life

I have enjoyed so much more personal freedom! What I mean by that, I think, is a general absence of that icky feeling of “I should,” of feeling behind, or of feeling less-than - all of which take up valuable time and are just a distraction from really living!

I feel happy and free to dress how I’d like, to do what feels right and good to me (a better handle on my personal boundaries), to do my work well, to pursue friendships, and to try new things, all without having to prove any kind of legitimacy to anyone. It has a feeling of purity to it that feels really refreshing, and good at its core.

Being much more selective about what I see and hear daily

Instead of sort of mindlessly ingesting whatever is being dished up for me on social media and going back to the buffet over and over again, I now seek out certain voices, messages, themes, and lessons on things I’m particularly interested in or feel like I need that day. Podcasts, vlogs, shows, music, books, documentaries - there is so much out there that we can explore and learn based on our interests and needs! In a similar vein…

Being more in tune with how I actually feel and what I need on any given day

In short, there are just fewer places to get distracted, hide, or stuff things down, and I can hear my own internal voice a lot more clearly and quickly.

If I feel spiritually hungry, I’m quicker to read scripture or seek out new worship music to play during our morning routine. Maverick City just keeps comin’ out with ‘em, and I have particularly loved this Hymn Medley that reminds me so much of my days in Gospel Choir at ASU!

If I feel lonely, I have to reach out to an actual person, one-to-one. I’m very glad Marco Polo exists because it has a satisfying social-media-like visual to it, but it’s essentially just video messaging one person (whose cell number you have to have) at a time.

If I need a light laugh, I find something clean to watch on Prime, like Sister, Sister, which has been SO much fun to watch through and way funnier than I remember! And each episode has a definite end, which helps monitor my time.

If I feel angry, anxious, sad, or lonesome, I am quicker to ask myself why. If I can’t crack it, I go on a walk or put myself in a quick time-out during Griffin’s nap time. I’ll journal or try to talk it out with John.

building friendships with a clean slate

I recently had a realization about being social-media-free. With all the casual fast-food-friendship scrolling I had been partaking in, I would tend to know more about someone’s life on a deeper level than I actually knew them, so it would be awkward in-person to know how to engage in conversation. I would want to respond and engage like a friend with more intimate knowledge of the details of their life, but I hadn’t earned any real relational equity. Have you ever experienced that, too?

Now, when I engage in conversations with people I sort of know, I get the joy of starting from square one! I have no idea what they’ve been up to or what I “should” know about their life from what they’ve shared on social media, so I get to ask simple questions about who they are and what their life is like, and I listen from a place of honestly not knowing instead of, well, pretending to not know, or making clunky references to their IG accounts. That has been so refreshing!

And it wouldn’t be a process without some challenges, too:

Too much TV

With all of the cold, rainy weather we’ve had in the last months, it has felt like a matter of sanity to have something going on in the house other than just me and Griffin doing our daily routine, but I see where it has turned into something I need to cut back on. We’ve even rearranged our living room furniture so it’s not all facing the TV in an effort to help.

Listen, if you want to emotionally hide or numb out, you can still do it without social media (like trading it for TV binges). It’s kind of like that Avett Brothers song that says, “When you run make sure you run towards something and not away from.” Cutting social media won’t cure heart issues, but it just might reveal them more quickly so you can deal with them head-on.

feelings of loneliness

Here’s the thing: I think those feelings have been present all along, but I could pacify them with a quick scroll to see what others were up to (mmm, fast-food friendship!) I’ve had to get used to feeling lonely, and reaching out to a real, live human friend and cough up the words, “I feel lonely!” It’s been humbling, but also really good for me.

The result has been park dates, walks, coffee meetups, mom groups, kiddo swaps, and come-join-me-in-my-messy-real-life hangouts. And I’m learning that I personally need at least 2 friend-moments in a week (who woulda thought!)

Some extra thoughts:

I’ve had wonderful conversations with other women who have also decided to cut off social media indefinitely, and I’ve been comforted to hear that they have felt the same way or had similar experiences in this process!

The further away I get from the social media world, the more I see that world as a very skewed (and in many ways, not real) concept of reality. It is not reality. That world has very real social constructs - the rules and standards we use to interact with one another well - just wonky versions of real-life ones.

And while people may be very good at those social constructs and have a large following, make money at it, or have a reputation of importance, I see a whole generation growing anemic in pure, real-life relationships. Where are we putting our relational lifeblood? I’m asking myself that, too, and working intentionally to make positive changes.

I don’t think about IG or Facebook or what I could be missing. I just kinda feel like I took the red pill. I feel grateful that it’s not my reality right now.

I know a year off social media isn’t a cure-all, and it isn’t for everyone. I do think social media as a whole deserves a long, scrutinizing look from anyone who partakes of it. Anything that has that kind of access to your mind, emotions, beliefs, behavior, and time should. And I’m just really thankful I took the plunge to cut it off for a while.

Here’s to stewarding ourselves well, and with more intention than ever!

Sam

P.S. Read my 1 month update here! It’ll be fun to look back and see the progression throughout the year!

P.P.S. You might not want to take a year off, but maybe you’re looking for simple ways to keep your tech habits in check. I’ve got two other great posts for you: How To Take A Social Media Break and Creating Balanced Rhythms with your Tech - see ya there!