Who doesn’t love a kind, thoughtful gift with their name on it?

Birthdays, holidays, milestones, or no reason at all!

If you’re familiar with The 5 Love Languages, I will tell you that the #1 way I receive and express love is via gifts. Yes, I am one of those people, risking sounding selfish or materialistic when I say I love the art of a thoughtful gift!

To be fair, it’s not always my #1 (I also feel very loved with quality time and acts of service right now), but I rank gifts as #1 because it’s the most consistent and surefire — I always feel extra love receiving even the smallest trinket from a friend or stranger, and I always feel an otherworldly sort of joy putting together a thoughtful gift and note for someone else.

Gifts are a tangible and easy way to say I see you, I care about you, and I thought about you specifically.

growing up, Gifts were one of the main ways I felt active and intentional love in my home.

My home wasn’t one that was very talkative or physically affectionate. But one thing my family was exceptional (/extravagant) at? Gifts. We always celebrated birthdays, and Christmas was a huge deal. Presentation and anticipation were a big part of that and brought so much delight to my childhood. I still have cards written by my parents and sisters, saved from birthdays and milestones over the last three decades of my life.

Any time I was sick and stayed home from school, my mom would take me to our local version of Waffle House (it was called Your House, and I thought that was hilarious!) We’d split the Slammer, and while we waited for our food, my mom would take out her notebook and ultra-thin-tipped pen, and tell me to write down my wish list for whatever occasion was next, be it a birthday or Christmas.

So, I wear my gift love proudly, and have a few thoughts on the giving and receiving of gifts!

On Giving

Do you ever get anxious or frustrated when figuring out what to get someone? Do you dislike feelings of obligation that might come with a birthday party or baby shower? I totally get it! I’ve got a few thoughts on how I take opportunities like these to create an opportunity to love someone in a practical way. And P.S. — you don’t have to break the bank or prove your love.

A little forethought goes a LONG way! - When giving gifts, I really enjoy taking a beat of unhurried thought about the recipient, be it my closest friend (like John) or someone I don’t know at all (like doing the Angel Tree or Operation Christmas Child shoebox). I often invite God into the process and simply ask, “What would this person really like right now? What have they been asking for? What would make them feel known and seen?”

And then I think and listen.

It may sound time-consuming, but my goal is to keep it within 10 minutes or less of thought (what to get) and planning (when and where to get it).

What are they into? - If it’s someone I know, I might consider what they’ve been talking about recently (maybe there’s an author or speaker they’re really into right now), recent interests (perhaps they just got into yoga or running) or long-term favorites (for me, that’s my vinyl collection). From there, it feels a little like a treasure hunt!

It doesn’t need to be expensive to say I see you! A new book from that author or speaker, a fresh new water bottle to take to their yoga class, or a new or used record of good tunes would totally hit the mark, and wouldn’t be more than $20 for that “big” item that says I see you and I support you.

Big gift, tiny gifts - In general, I like to give one bigger-ticket item, and a few cheap thrills that warm and delight the heart. The “big-ticket” item could be less than $20, and the inexpensive goodies might be as simple as candy, tea/coffee/a glass bottle of a favorite soda, or a thrifted find (I especially like finding cool hankies, tiny framed art, or bud vases) each ranging from $1-10.

Write a little something, in your style - Whether it’s the writer or the southerner in me, or my fascination with etiquette (not that I always abide by it, but I do find it weirdly fun and comforting!), I don’t know — but in my book, a note with the gift is almost as meaningful as the gift itself! It doesn’t need to be long, and it doesn’t even need to be on a fancy greeting card! Just knowing that someone took the time to pen down a few words of love and encouragement means the world!

When I write a note to go with a gift, I usually include the date, an encouragement or affirmation, my thankfulness for them, and my hope that they’ll enjoy the gift/explination of why I chose that gift for them. If there’s a gift receipt, I’ll stick that in there, too. I’ll use blank cards, thrifted vintage cards (these are cheap and unique, so fun to find and use!), local/handmade cards, or Trader Joe’s cards (cheap, beautiful, and a perfect excuse to pick up some chocolate covered goodies for your gift and yourself, too :)

You might be into penning something funny, short, or even a poem — whatever your vibe is, go with it! It will be appreciated, I promise!

If you don’t know what to get, just ask! - My favorite hack of all, and one so simple! No, it’s not cheesy to ask. It says you’re the kind of person who wants to get something practical that the recipient won’t want to return. If you don’t feel comfortable asking the recipient directly, ask their spouse, BFF, or host of the party.

Our family has used Elfster as our source or gift-giving guidance for one another for years. When it’s people you know the most (and celebrate with the most frequently) it’s nice to just know what it is they want. It’s free, and it’s like a present registry, for any occasion. The recipient creates a wish list using links and does not see if, when, or who has purchased something off of their list. Other givers can, though, so you won’t get two of the same item!

For baby registries, I’ve used (and love!) Babylist. Same idea!

On Receiving

This is where people tend to feel most uncomfortable when it comes to gifts. There can be a few tricky aspects to receiving gifts — what if you get something that feels too extravagant and you don’t know how to respond? Or what if you get something that you don’t want to keep? Do you hate when others watch you open gifts?

Think less about the gift and more about time and action - When I receive gifts, I always think about the time that person took to think about me. Whether it’s a small gift card, cash, or something they spent a lot of money on, I just feel so grateful that they took time and action to say I love you in a tangible way!

Channel childish delight - Most kids know how to receive gifts! They do it with open delight, wonder, and excitement. Their face says “IT’S FOR ME!” They tear into the wrapping and don’t keep their cool. That’s how I suggest doing it, my friends. You’re never too old to be excited about a present! And if you feel like you just aren’t into it? Maybe take a beat to ask yourself why.

Unpack your hesitation - Gifts, particularly if you didn’t grow up in a home accustomed to giving/receiving them (due to finances, absentee parents, or strict home culture, or, maybe you never got things you asked for), can be a trigger bringing up fringes of hurtful moments. The thing is, you don’t have to let those things affect your future childish joy in gifts! You could journal about it, talk to a friend, or go see a counselor to unpack some weird feelings that come up when receiving gifts.

Release expectation - I try not to have too many expectations when it comes to getting gifts. I don’t expect to get any! If I make a registry or Elfster list, I don’t expect to get something off of those lists. I don’t expect a certain caliber of gift (in money or creative points), caliber of wrapping, or caliber of note-writing. The joy is in being celebrated by people I love!

Express gratitude - Say thank you! So simple, yet for an overthinker like me, I can often wonder how to prove or qualify my gratitude more than that. Well, as a giver, I can assure us all that thank you is as effective as it is simple! Other ways you can express gratitude is a thank you note (I buy blank ones in bulk so there’s always one at the ready for any occasion), or send a thank you text with a pic of the gift in use (this was especially fun with baby shower gifts!)

The bottom line? Any occasion is a great occasion to give a gift!

Let it be a way that you help the recipient see the gold in themselves, a way to express gratitude, and a way to say I care about you!

And when you get a gift? Tear into it, baby! Enjoy, and that joy will circle back around.

Are you a gift lover, too? What are your favorite ways/occasions to give gifts?

With love and brown paper packages tied up with string,

Sam

On Giving + Receiving Gifts