Life After Anxiety
If you have dealt with anxiety, you might be thinking, “After? Will there ever be an after?”
If you’ve never experienced anxiety to the degree that you’d give it the name, you might be wondering if all this anxiety and panic attack stuff is really that big of a deal for people.
To the former, yes, there will be.
To the latter, yes, it really is.
Anxiety affects around 40 million adults in America today, almost 1 in 5 people, and it is the most common mental illness in the U.S. Globally, the World Health Organization says that almost 300 million people have an anxiety disorder.
Whether or not this is something you’ve personally experienced, there is something to glean for everyone here!
I hope that it gives you a sense of hope if you’re in the thick of it, and I hope it gives you more empathy, language, and tools to love the people in your life who might be in the thick of it, too.
I do want to preface by saying a certain amount of stress and anxiety is totally normal! It is a built-in response of our nervous system to help us handle life and to give us basic survival instincts. We can thank our bodies for providing signals that we are overwhelmed, and for chemicals like adrenaline that help us navigate high-stress situations.
However, suffering from anxiety or panic disorders is a different thing all together. It’s like those computing systems in our brains and bodies go haywire, they start short-circuiting, and it can leave us feeling totally out of control.
I spent about two years of my life regularly experiencing out-of-control anxiety and full-blown panic attacks, most of 2017 and 2018. There is a lot more discussion about these topics as people are becoming more aware of how common they are, and for that, I am very grateful!
Those who were close to me during those two years can attest that there were very real physical, emotional, and psychological effects that anxiety had on me during that time. I’m quickly going to breeze through some of what I felt, not to weigh this conversation down, but to shed light on the many different ways anxiety can look and feel.
It was hard for me to focus during conversations, and I remember thinking, “I have no idea what I’m even saying right now. I just want the attention off of me as soon as possible.”
I had a hard time staying asleep at night. I would often wake up before the alarm and just lay there, heart racing uncontrollably.
I had a difficult time standing at church to worship - I felt like people were looking at me and I couldn’t focus because of it, so I mostly sat and cried (this, too, counts as worship, but that’s for another post!)
I had difficulty watching movies, getting my hair cut or my nails done - anything that required me to sit in one spot for a length of time. I wanted to escape - my flight response was crazy and triggered by so many things that didn’t make any sense to me.
I got dizzy a lot, sometimes while driving.
When doing something where I knew I had to speak or be looked at (like working) I had a quivering voice, dry throat, and shaky hands (not ideal for a makeup artist, if you catch my drift!)
In general, my self-esteem was below zero, I felt really isolated, and I was ashamed for not being strong/organized/disciplined enough of a person. Only weak people deal with this woo-woo stuff anyway, right?
This was me during that time! Having my picture taken was not at all comfy for me…
but having kind friends take those pictures helped me re-associate neutrality (and fun) to the experience. Thanks Jordan <3
I read somewhere that once you’re in a pattern of experiencing anxiety or panic attacks, it can anywhere from 6 months to 2 years to fully heal your adrenal system, your body, your mind, and of course, your soul. That’s a long time, and I got to work right away!
Here are some brief, practical ways I sought healing during that season:
I started ruthlessly eliminating things from my calendar, my work, and my social life. It was humbling and hard, but proved to be a lifeline for me.
I started eating really nourishing foods. Did you know that just the knowledge of regular healthy meals available to you can help reverse trauma? John was my very best partner and made me nutrient-dense smoothies every day, and we ate in as much as possible.
I cut out all caffeine. Like, all. If my nervous system was a puddle of gasoline, the tiniest bit of caffeine was like a flame, so I stuck to water and decaf teas.
I sought spiritual support, deliverance, and healing through our trusted church pastors. They were not only understanding about what I was experiencing (they didn’t make me feel like I was weird, too much, or like something was especially wrong with me), but they also connected me to trusted ministries who specialize in issue-focused spiritual healing. They followed up with me, gave me lots of hugs, and told me they were praying!
I started talking about what I was experiencing. It was hard at first (I literally remember bursting out in tears during a girls movie night at the mere question, “how are you?” Yes, it was awkward). People appreciate honesty, even if it causes discomfort in the moment. And giving myself a voice was empowering in itself.
I watched a lot of beautiful TV series (anything on BBC), read lots of books, and took regular naps. It felt indulgent, yes, especially after working so much for so long. But it became a safe place for me, and John was not only understanding but supportive.
I leaned into friendships that pursued, felt very safe, and supported me with being present and consistent.
At some point during that two-year span, I read Emily Ley’s book A Simplified Life. I thought it looked fun and colorful, like a light diversion, but one little illustration really ministered to me.
It was a stick figure girl, and all around her were words. Each word had an arrow pointing to the girl, each word an essential item for her to live well and take good care of herself.
water, friendship, play, nourishing foods, family, love, meaningful work
Read those things again.
How simple is that? As adults, we can tend to overcomplicate our emotions and issues, or ignore our needs all together. I believe it’s more helpful to approach ourselves like we would a little kid! What do we need? A nap? Some water? A healthy snack or walk? Playtime with a friend? Or even a hug?
Thinking this way brings a sense of groundedness when the issues of life can feel like a hurricane.
Being on the other side of that season, I now know that It’s not about being totally free of stressful or anxious feelings, but about understanding yourself and others better, and more quickly. It’s about understanding your limits and the things you need to help maintain health and peace in your life.
I am happy to say that I am living in the healing that was worked towards and prayed for! Do I still experience stressors? Heck yes! But I recognize my limits and have tools to walk forward in confidence rather than spiraling out of control.
Here are some simple ways to take good care of yourself regularly and to enjoy your life after a season of anxiety.
Understand your limits and don’t compare them to anyone else. These could be time limits (what you can realistically commit to), emotional limits (who you are most responsible to in your life), and energy limits (how many out-of-house things you can do in a week without being drained).
Let yourself have a voice! And use it! Tell your story, whether that’s in person with a friend or writing it out. Anxiety lies and tells us many things about ourselves that aren’t true. When you use your voice, it stands against those lies, and begins to become a new normal voice in your head.
Make note of triggering circumstances, and give yourself grace and tools for them. I don’t and can’t avoid them all! And you know what? We all have them. Some of mine? Haircuts. A few relationships in my life. Family trips. The night before traveling or a work event I’m feeling more pressure about. Speaking or singing in front of others. Airplanes. Here are some of my grace-filled thoughts and tools to help with those moments:
Don’t despise yourself for having anxious feelings, or feel like you’re a failure! You’re not! You’re doing great. You deserve to live life fully and to lean into the people around you.
Breathe. Pray. Talk.
Journal your actual feelings, not what you think you should be feeling. Then move on!
Do something physical like stretching, walking, or laughing.
Tell yourself that others are probably feeling some nerves or anxiety, too. And you can be a presence of understanding, empathy, and peace for yourself and others.
Continue eating healthful foods, getting good sleep, drinking lots of water, and spending time with friends and loved ones.
Move your body. Move it in ways that feel good, nourishing, and challenging.
Prioritize doing stuff you that brings you joy! Depending on your season of life, this might feel more or less doable, but I encourage you, you do have time to infuse even 5 minutes of just-for-you joy into each day. Some of the things on my joy list include traveling, listening to records, collaging, going to a new coffee spot with good music and my journal, walking in the woods, and animals of any kind.
Ask yourself regularly, “How’s my tank? Is it full? Is it emptying or empty?” Notice the things that fill your tank. If you need a refill, take a break. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of breaks, and tangible relief they bring, weather it’s a break of a few seconds, 5 minutes, a day, or a vacation. What does a break look like? Shutting off your laptop and phone. Drinking a cup of tea. Take a 15 minute nap on your bed, free of technology, even if you don’t fall asleep. Take 3 really deep breaths while closing your eyes. Take an exercise class.
Spend meaningful time with loved ones. Make memories together! Even if some of those relationships feel strained or could even be triggering, show up (don’t hide), use your voice, extend grace, and create boundaries for yourself. Connection is everything!
Go to church. Having a spiritually supportive community that you’re regularly involved in is incredibly grounding and healthy.
List out and embrace personal responsibilities and essential tasks for any given week. This helps me see my time limitations better, and give strong yesses and better nos to other events through the week. For me, these responsibilities include simple things like making the bed, meal planning, cleaning up around the house, and work tasks. This gives me a sense of agency over my life and healthy control.
A few things on my joy list pictured here: being outside, tending our tiny garden, and wearing overalls : ) Image by Lindsey Cash Photography
If you’re in the thick of a tough, stressful, or even an anxiety-ridden season, hear me when I tell you - there is a light at the end of the tunnel! It will not last forever! I hope my story has encouraged you and helped you feel less weird or alone. And I hope these tips feel life-giving, empowering, and practical for you!
If you have someone in your life who is struggling, I hope my story and these simple tips help give you a framework for what they are experiencing. I hope it gives you some language and tools to love them well. My best advice? Pursue them and sit with them. Don’t be afraid of their ugly, and ask how you can help! You are such an important part of their healing just by being there!
